Criticism and Gossip

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, who knows the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph and who at worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows his place shall never be with those timid and cold souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”  (T. Roosevelt)

David H. Fink, author of Release from nervous tension wrote an article for Coronet magazine, in which he made a striking suggestion as to how we can overcome mental and emotional tensions.  As a psychiatrist for the Veterans administration he was familiar with 10,000 case histories in this field.  Thousands of people, who were mentally and emotionally “tied up” had asked Dr. Fink for some short, magic-button cure for nervousness.  In his search for such a cure he studied two groups; the first was made up of thousands of people who were suffering from mental and emotional disturbances: the second group contained only those, thousands of them, who were free from such tensions.  Gradually one fact began to stand out: those who suffered from extreme tension had one trait in common - they were habitual faultfinders, constant critics of people and things around them, whereas the men and women who were free of all tensions were the least faultfinding.  It would seem that the habit of criticizing is a prelude or mark of the nervous, and of the mentally unbalanced.

A woman spread a slanderous story about her pastor and soon the whole countryside had heard it.  Some time later the woman confessed that it was untrue and went to the pastor to request his pardon.  The old pastor said, “Of course I will gladly pardon you, if you will comply with a wish of mine.”  The woman agreed and the pastor led her to the bell tower with a pillow in his hand.  There he shook the pillow until all the feathers were scattered to the winds.  “Now go through the village and gather the feathers again, and see that not one is missing” he said.  The woman looked at the pastor in astonishment and said, “Why that is impossible.  The wind has scattered them everywhere!”  “Quite so,” said he, “and while I forgive you gladly, do not forget that you can never fully undo the damage that your untrue words have done.”

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue, keeps himself from calamity.” (Proverbs 21:23)

“If I tried to answer all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business.  I do the best I know how and I mean to keep on doing so.  If the end brings me out right, then what is said won’t matter.  If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels declaring I was right would make no difference.” (A. Lincoln)

“I believe God gave me an assignment one day.  I was to go on a ‘fast from criticism.’  I was not to criticize anybody or anything.  By the afternoon, ideas began to come to me in a way I hadn’t experienced in years.  It was apparent what the Lord wanted me to see.  My critical nature has not solved a single one of the multitudinous things I have found fault with.  What it has done is to stifle my own creativity… negative words create an atmosphere in which positive people can’t live, and creative solutions can’t be found.  Only in a climate of faith and acceptance can risks be taken, progress made, and dreams be fulfilled.” (Catherine Marshall)
When you backbite, others may listen to what you have to say, but they’ll never trust you.  Why?  Because they know that what you say to them, you’ll also say about them.  When you hurt someone by gossip and innuendo, it says much more about your character than theirs!  “Who may enter your presence? … Those who refuse to slander others or harm their neighbours or speak evil of their friends… Such people will stand firm forever.” (Psalm 15:1-5)

One of the surest marks of good character is one’s ability to accept personal criticism without malice toward the person who gives it.

Criticism is always tough to swallow, but in the end it does us far more good than a diet of flattery.  In either case, we should surround ourselves with and value those who speak the truth to us - good or bad.

If you're not mature enough to take criticism, you're too immature for praise.

Be discerning but not critical.

While contending with the manifold problems of geography and climate in the building of the Panama Canal, Colonel George Washington Goethals had to endure the carping criticism of countless busybodies back home, who freely predicted that he would never complete his great task. But the resolute builder pressed steadily forward in his work, and said nothing. "Aren't you going to answer your critics?" a subordinate inquired. "In time," Goethals replied. "How?" he was asked.  The great engineer smiled. "With the canal," he replied.

Gossip is like mud thrown on a clean wall. It may not stick but it always leaves a dirty mark.

When Matthew C. Brush was president of the American International Corporation, he was asked if he was ever sensitive to criticism, and he replied, "Yes, I was very sensitive to it in my early days. I was eager then to have all the employees in the organisation think I was perfect. If they didn't, it worried me. I would try to please first one person who had been sounding off against me; but the very thing I did to patch it up with him would make someone else mad. Then when I tried to fix it up with this person, I would stir up a couple of other bumblebees. I finally discovered that the more I tried to pacify and to smooth over injured feelings in order to escape personal criticism, the more certain I was to increase my enemies. So finally I said to myself, "If you get your head above the crowd, you're going to be criticised. So get used to the idea." That helped me tremendously. From that time on I made it a rule to do the very best I could and then put up my old umbrella and let the rain of criticism drain off me instead of run down my neck."

If you want to avoid criticism; say nothing, do nothing, be nothing!

Never fear criticism when you're right; never ignore criticism when you're wrong.

Adverse criticism from a wise man is more to be desired than the enthusiastic approval of a fool.

Criticism is like dynamite. It has its place, but should be handled only by experts --Constructively.

The outward bravado of the fault-finder usually disguises deep insecurity; it lets them shift the focus off their own fears and onto the faults of others.

It is not your job to defend yourself against criticism.  Let God handle it.  Nehemiah’s response to his critics is a classic: “My work is too important to stop now and… visit you.” (Nehemiah 6:3 CEV)

“Many of us suffer from ‘approval addiction.’  The symptoms are: living in bondage to what others think of us; getting easily hurt by what they say; a nagging sense that we are not good enough; trying to impress important people.  And like all addicts we will go to any lengths for a ‘fix.’  Henri Nouwen writes, “Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world (than to God).  A little criticism makes me angry… A little praise raises my spirits… Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of the waves.”  Paul writes, “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you… It is the Lord who judges me.” (1 Corinthians 4:3-4 NRS)  Imagine receiving criticism as a “very small thing.”  Imagine being liberated from the need to impress, our self-esteem no longer resting on someone else noticing how smart or attractive we are.  Imagine being able to actually feel love toward someone who expresses disapproval of us.” (Bob Gass)

“As good as it feels to be affirmed and applauded, at some point you need to stop and ask, ‘How much am I willing to sacrifice to be blessed?’  Your answer will determine your destiny… To succeed at any worthwhile venture you need a thick skin when it comes to handling criticism.” (Bob Gass)

Expect disapproval. Do what Noah did: ignore it and get on with the job at hand. Anytime you try to make your mark, you'll attract erasers. Choosing how you'll react to criticism is one of life's most important decisions.

Dr James G Kerr, a management psychologist, points out that a major deterrent to gaining information about ourselves lies in our natural reluctance to discover anything about ourselves that isn't flattering. When we erect defenses against our own inadequacies and try to hide our faults from ourselves and others, we close the door to a vital source of self-knowledge and therefore deny ourselves the joy of spiritual growth. Stop hiding from the truth. Every one of us can improve what we're doing and the way in which it's being done.

There's no point in running down other people's products unless we have a better one to offer ourselves.

There's only one way to change the unruly tongue, and that is to transform the spirit that controls it.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs18:21a)

“Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases.” (Proverbs 26:20)

“The labour of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking ill of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to whom you must be loyal, there will always be those who will delight in insulting your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, will never let the mind rest.”  (A. W. Tozer)
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
“The quickest way to become unpopular is to carry tales of gossip about others.”
(John Maxwell)

To succeed in life you must be able to work alongside people without allowing yourself to be controlled by their moods or governed by their opinions. This is what Paul was talking about when he said, 'Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.' (Galatians 1:10)

“The bigger you are, the more you will be attacked.  So build your toughness.  In the world today we have an endless list of naysayers in every form.  And naysayers are going to try and tell you that - whatever you’re trying to accomplish – it’s no good, that it won’t work, that you can’t do it, there’s better people doing it, etc.  What you will see over and over with people who are very successful, is they simply will not believe any of that Nay-Say discouragement.  And parallel to that, once they’re energized with their vision they simply won’t be stopped.  So when they run into a wall they either figure out how to go around it, how to go over it, or how to go through it, but they won’t be stopped and they will not allow themselves; A) to feel discouragement, and B) to be stopped regardless.” (Ken Fisher)
“When you're criticised it's human to want to retaliate, but when you take the time to try and understand people it's easier to forgive them. Many of the negative people in our lives just lack intimate relationships, so they keep others at arm's length, rarely share their feelings and are uncomfortable with those who do. It's easier for them to condemn than accept. Their hard and fast views make them inflexible. Often these people can't handle freedom; they need rules that limit their choices, and only feel secure within their own boundaries… In dealing with others, always take the high road laid out by Jesus: 'Pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also...just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise' (Luke 6:28-31 NKJV).” (Bob Gass)